life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
