Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
