I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
