i would punch a child for taco bell
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
