peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
