I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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