They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
