Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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