toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I wish I could punch you in the face.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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