A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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