My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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