I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
