i already hear my dad disowning me
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
