Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
