dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
