I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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