I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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