Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(240): View more from Maryland

Banned from zoo.

(301): View more from Maryland

Again?

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(214): View more from Texas

Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.

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(801): View more from Utah

I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high

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(778): View more from British Columbia

No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

his penis was the training wheels of my sex life

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(615): View more from Tennessee

You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.

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(703): View more from Virginia

She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis

(1-703): View more from Virginia

Every man deserves at least one moment like that

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.

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(816): View more from Missouri

All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.

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