His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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