I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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