I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
