Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
