you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
