There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
someone owes me an orgasm
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
