K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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