when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
