I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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