A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
vagina is talking i cant
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
