Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
