Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
