Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
