I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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