He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
