literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My vagina is officially offended.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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