Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
