If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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