honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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