wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
