That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
