so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
