Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
