I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Too much gin, very little bucket
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
