Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
