I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
