i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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