I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
