Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize