We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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