Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I want a musical about memes.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
