just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
