Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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