take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
