is your mom at the bar?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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