you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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