i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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