Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
