Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
