with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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