fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
BRING THE BAGELS
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
