I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
