So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
