Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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