So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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