Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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