i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
