Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
only you would photoshop your dick
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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