they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
