Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
