hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
