After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize