New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
