I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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