I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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