My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
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My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
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You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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