Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
