Tell her she can't have a vagina
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
