You work out of a Hotel?
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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