she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
