I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just invented taco cereal.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
