Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
